Life with a newborn… what I wish I’d known

If only I had known this day would actually come. I’m sitting on my couch, with a hot cup of tea, a sleeping baby in his cot and a brain which is almost fully functioning after a mostly undisturbed night of sleep. But then, seven and a half months is a long time. Getting to this point, where I could think, make tea, and not just pass out in a stupor the second the little man’s eyes closed has been a somewhat rocky road. There is so much I wish I had known, and that I have vowed I will do differently if I’m lucky enough to have a second run of it. But already the memories are fading. Already I’m thinking the newborn phase wasn’t so bad, really, and pregnancy was fine, and birth was alright in the grand scheme of things. Mother Nature is no fool, my friends. She’s already trying to trick me into doing it all over again. So before I forget completely and start thinking my baby never cried, always slept through the night and I was never a sleep deprived lunatic – here’s what I wish I had known the first time around.

1. Food matters. Forget all the batch cooking. I spent a hell of a lot of time batch cooking only to go two weeks past my due date and scoff the lot before the baby came. Don’t do what I did, and arrive home, starved, delirious with exhaustion and reeling from the hormonal tsunami sweeping your body, with no idea of what to eat. In such a moment, you will not appreciate your husband offering you a bag of pistachios, even if he somewhat desperately offers to peel them all for you.  Get in a load of good quality, carb heavy ready meals, put your best local takeaway on speed dial, and have an online supermarket shop ready for delivery the day you get home from hospital. Make sure you’ve got a blender of some sort, and ensure your other half, friend, mum or yourself are good at making smoothies. Thankfully Babydaddy loves a gadget and I’m pretty sure the daily smoothies he made me helped to get those enormous piles to disappear (ah the beauty of motherhood).
2. Netflix and chill. Or Now TV, Amazon Prime, or all of the above. Just get that telly on and don’t move. It’s not that I didn’t do this. The vast majority of Babydaddy’s paternity leave were spent with us on the couch, working our way through the whole of Mad Men or Sex and the City. But for some stupid reason, after a couple of weeks I had the urge to get out and about, not waste my life watching telly and embrace my new mum life. What I didn’t realise is that all the sane mums with babies the same age were still in bed, and would be for months. I remember sitting in a daze surrounded by much older babies and their mothers, all singing nursery rhymes while my ridiculously small five week old lay asleep on a cushion on my lap. I should have been in my pyjamas at home, not forcing myself to socialise and sing Wind the Bobbin Up when I quite literally couldn’t remember my own name. I can’t remember how long the golden period is, where your baby just wants to feed and sleep, because my brain has melted. But I do know that there was such a golden period and when it ended, and my baby started getting bored and restless and needed to play and get out and about, I really wished you’d spent more time lying down and doing nothing.
3. Get that baby on a bottle. This one is a bit controversial, I know. I was convinced that breast is best and in the early weeks, I was very smug about my little one’s obsession with my magic boobs, and how by feeding him, while eating more cake and chocolates that I had ever consumed in my life, I was managing to lose weight (hence the magic). I also felt incredibly possessive of him (more on that later) and couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else feeding him, ever. Which is all very sweet. But a few months down the line, mid growth spurt and sleep regression, I wished desperately that someone, anyone, other than me could feed my baby. I had followed the advice that I shouldn’t introduce a bottle of expressed milk or formula too soon or it could cause nipple confusion. But this meant when I was finally ready, my little boob lover refused to accept milk from anything other than my nipple. Wise friends of mine had their partners give a bottle of expressed milk or formula at night, allowing them to get some precious shut-eye. If I had my time again, this is what I would do, and from a couple of weeks in at the latest.
4. The love you will feel for your baby might be a little bit frightening. I don’t know why this came as such a surprise. It’s not like I’ve ever handled romantic love in a calm and rational fashion. But the love I felt for my little bundle was so strong I  was absolutely terrified of it. I honestly thought I had gone a little bit crazy. I was the Elliot to his ET. In the hospital, when he cried, I felt his feelings. One or two nights in I had a horrible awareness of how thin his little skull was, and how easily he could be squashed. I woke up convinced I was lying on the baby, or that he had disappeared, when really, he was sleeping happily away in his bedside crib (and to think, I could have been sleeping). I felt uncontrollably possessive and worried about how I would cope if other people were to hold him, call him ‘their baby’ (make no mistake, this is an irritating habit but really not worth losing sleep over) or heaven forbid feed or bathe him. I don’t know if all women experience their love in such an overwhelming and terrifying way but I’m pretty sure we’re hard-wired to have some huge, primal emotions. After all, newborn babies are completely dependent on their mothers to stay alive. Nowadays, my love for my little man has not diminished, but it feels a lot cosier, happier and much more joyful.
5. It won’t be like this for ever. I vividly remember not understanding how things could possibly change. Wondering when I could even brush my teeth in peace, let alone have a bath or go to bed in the knowledge I might actually get to sleep for a few hours. People say a lot of clichéd bollocks to new parents but one thing they say is true. Some days may crawl by, but the weeks and months vanish, and suddenly you’ll find yourself putting your baby to bed in their own room, finding they are sleeping through the night, and feeling a tiny bit bereft that they need you that little bit less.